am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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