Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
