theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
