I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
