there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
