Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
