We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
