and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
