watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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