How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
