so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
