is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
