I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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