I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize