I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
