We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I cannot find my penis.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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