you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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