Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
