u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
