My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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