I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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