I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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