Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
