Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
