I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize