This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
