what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize