just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
