just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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