I cannot find my penis.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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