Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
