What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
