I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
