was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
