True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
