why didn't you poke me back
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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