In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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