hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
