So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
