her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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