At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
