thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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