just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize