Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
