im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
