she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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