...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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