everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
