what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
