you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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