Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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