I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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