apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
