The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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