dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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