btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
