please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
