We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
