I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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