You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
