meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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