He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
