You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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