pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
