Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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