"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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