I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
