Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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