Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
