Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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