the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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