it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
