That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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