The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Someone shattered a urinal.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
