You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
