I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
