a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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