fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
