Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
