u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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