Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned

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(636): View more from Missouri

Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"

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(513): View more from Ohio

im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead

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(323): View more from California

IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?

(410): View more from Maryland

Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend

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