So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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