ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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