it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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