better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
