I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
