all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You need a sexual gate keeper
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
