so that wasnt chicken after all
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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