I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
