Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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