I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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