The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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