I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
