Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
