Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We are all done wearing pants today
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
