Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When did angry sex become our thing?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize